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"Does she have any physical characteristics I can look for; Tattoos, etc?"Bertha contemplated before informing me that Eleanor (this goddess's name apparently) has a pussy sweeter than a Pixie Stick."Perhaps something more easily seen by the eye, I meant," while pushing the standard contract across to her for signature. Reading quickly, she paid the initial fee of $100, all one dollar bills. She explained, "I strip part-time at the Cuntry." (a notorious lesbian bar across the river in Kentucky). Upon hearing this horrifying confession, I began using tongs to count her payment."Did you two have a fight?"Sobbing, her body shaking, she admitted. "I caught her cheating on me!" With a man or another woman?"She snarled, "At Candyland." (How did Mensa miss these two?)Taking rapid notes, looking up, "Do you think she might be having doubts about her sexuality and is out searching for a penis?" (perhaps she has a protein deficiency.) "Never," she bellowed, before slamming her meaty hand down. .. I guess so."Heather moved shyly into the room. She was wearing a white terrycloth cotton bathrobe. "Hi," she said."Hi," he answered. Then, "Oh, s*s, I'm so sor..." No, Jamie, stop," she interrupted. "I'm the one who should be apologizing to you. I've been so stupid, so incredibly stupid! Stupid and blind."She moved further into the room, holding her arms."I had no idea, Jamie, really I didn't! And when I think back to the way I acted with you, and the ... the things I did around you – oh, Jamie, I'm so sorry! It must have been so difficult for you." She lowered her arms and opened her hands, entreating. "I would never do anything to hurt you or be mean to you on purpose! You know that, don't you, Jamie? You're my brother, and I love you so much!" She looked towards him earnestly, almost pleading.She moved to his desk chair and sat down facing him. "All these years," she continued, "and I had no idea you felt that way about me! When we were k**s it never occurred to me to think of.
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